my fingers reluctantly press these keys -- why on earth would i ever want to capture this feeling? this sadness, confusion, frustration, hopelessness. perhaps i feel that i can make up for the lack of words said between us with words on a computer screen to no one but myself. at the very least, it will keep me from crying. i need to keep my eyes clear to be able to see the screen.
interactions between people are a fascinating thing -- one has to take into consideration all that has happened up to that point. each person has lived their own life, been raised with their own beliefs, values, traditions. each has had their own, unique experiences that shape who they are, and will eventually add up to who they will be. i read once that people are responsible for their own actions, but not the fruit of them. it's difficult to believe this, because the person who assumes they are not responsible for how people react to them stop trying to make an effort to understand. pre-emptive attempts to comprehend, if only a tiny bit, what the other person is like. there is such a science to sociology, every little word, every little movement, begs to be interpreted. it would be extremely incorrect to assume that interactions between people, even and especially people close to you, are only led by emotion. there is so much more, every detail is laden with not only the aforementioned emotion, but history -- a past that, no matter how close you could ever be to a person, you could never fully understand to the extent is necessary.
and words -- how frail and insufficient they can be. i have filled thousands of pages with words, and can easily fill a thousand more without scratching the surface of what i have ever really wanted to say. coloring them, arranging them nicely, rhyming them and assorting them into various pieces of poetry and prose -- nothing is enough.
what words could i ever offer?
would be enough?